NatWest. Helpful banking?

I despair, I really do.

Last week I tried to open a business bank account at a High Street bank. Well, let's not beat about the bush, it was NatWest. Me and my business partner went there as he has a connection at an affiliate bank of theirs. Despite that, it was an unmitigated disaster which ended in tears.

Our appointment with the branch business development manager had been made for 10.30 on Thursday and, arriving at that time, were told that she wasn't there. We were turned away without so much as an apology and told to make a second appointment for the following day.

For our second appointment, we arrived five minutes early and were then kept waiting a further fifteen. When we were called into her office, again there was no apology nor any appearance of her having made any preparation for our meeting.

I had the temerity to ask why we’d been kept waiting, particularly in light of it being our second trip into the bank, I was told that she had been on the phone to a customer and what did I expect her to do, put the phone down? I resisted the temptation to say “well, yes actually dear” as clearly she should have either not been on the phone knowing that she had a meeting at 2.30pm or she should have told the phone customer that she was keeping people waiting and would have to call that customer back later. I also pointed out that she should have been there the previous day and she told me, in high pitched tones, that it wasn’t her fault as the meeting had not been entered into her agenda. Again, there was no apology, just a crude justification in a very aggressive manner. She also took it upon herself to scold me and my 'unpleasant tone', which strangely did nothing to mollify me or to warm up the atmosphere in her very hot office.

Then the endless paperwork started. What is it with banks that they haven't cottoned onto computers yet? (Later on when I asked her for an email address she told me that there was no point in giving it to me as they weren't allowed to use email. How very forward thinking of them!) She then refused to accept a certified copy of our company's certificate of incorporation – certified by a firm of chartered accountants. If this is now bank policy, accountants and lawyers beware because your certification of documents is no longer valid. What a load of twoddle. In any event, a quick look online either at Companies House or our accountants would have confirmed that the company exists but no, I was told I would have to return to the bank, for a third time, with the original document in order that their own staff may make a photocopy.

Our company has three directors and two of us were at the meeting. Our third director is not involved with the day to day running of the company. Ms NatWest BA(Hons) - as stated on her business card - refused to continue with the process until our third director joined us at the meeting. We called her and she came to the bank so as not to delay this simple account opening even further. She was rewarded by hostility and a telling-off when, after having been kept waiting for ten minutes or so, she tried to attract the attention of Ms NatWest by waving at her through the window of the adjacent office to which she had retreated to for reasons that escape us.

Copies then had to be made of all the documentation. She went to do this job herself which took an inordinately long time and delayed the process still further. All in all, the meeting took over an hour and half. Can that be standard?

Far more seriously, the very young and possibly Latvian Ms NatWest was totally unable to grasp the activities of our new business. We have set up a new training company offering courses to teach people how to trade Forex online. She actually got mildly hysterical at the prospect of our trading forex through this new account. Despite repeated attempts, we were singularly unable to get the fact over to her that the company’s ONLY activity is to TRAIN PEOPLE and ergo, to equip them with the knowledge to trade in foreign exchange. She kept telling us that if we traded through the Nat West account, she could lose her job – something she mentioned several times during the meeting and was evidently her main concern.

As a result of all this, we almost walked out to try another of the many banks in the High Street. With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, that's exactly what we should have done. We had chosen NatWest because we felt that the connection might make it easier to open an account at NatWest. Clearly it did not.

Now get this ... A few days later, Ms NatWest called me to say that unfortunately, the bank would not be able to open this account as it is linked to a forex trading business and even though she understands it is a training company, the bank will not open this account. At that point, I truly lost the will to live. As politely as I could with my blood boiling, I asked for a name and contact details of someone higher up in the bank so that I might try to explain, to a more senior person, what we are trying to do but she wouldn't provide this telling me that everyone in the bank would tell me the same thing. She did eventually agree to call me back later that day with an appropriate name. I am still waiting for that call.

If this is the way NatWest treat potential new customers and new businesses, I really am surprised that they're still in business at all. We wasted the best part of a week only to be told that we cannot open an account at that bank. More importantly however, not only was Ms NatWest's manner appalling, coming over as breathtakingly rude and aggressive but she was clearly unable to process new information once she had an idea set in her head.

If you want a real laugh, read the bank's customer charter http://www.natwest.com/global/customer-charter.ashx

I have sent off swingeing letters of complaint to everyone from the chief executive, Stephen Hester, downward. The initial apology has come in today from their customer complaints department and I await further news.

I feel a trip to Barclays coming on ...

Addendum: My business partner really lost it today. Having escalated this complaint, he sent the following email to his contact at the affiliate bank earlier today. I'm only posting it here because it made me laugh out loud.

Firstly I'm sorry you are being caught in the crossfire - I know this Kafkaesque situation is not of your making - but since Natwest are refusing to give out e-mail addresses I should be grateful if you would forward this e-mail to the area new business manager.

Following the fiasco of the last few days, I find it not only extremely rude but devestatingly incompetent that he has not had the courtesy to contact me today. You did state in your e-mail that he would be contacting me "early afternoon" and it is now approaching 5p.m. and I have heard nothing. Still if Natwest can describe Ms NatWest as a "business development manager", then it would be relatively easy for them to describe any time between now and midnight as "early afternoon".

As Natwest's irritatingly smug adverts observe "There is another way". Yes - and it's called Barclays.

NB Names have been changed to protect the guilty.